Safe on Second by Wednesday......

Got back on the bike this morning....literally.  A spin bike that is.  And yes, I rode it like I stole it!  And it felt good.  Really good.  Better than its felt for some time.  Sure it hurt like any decent gym class should and yes it was a challenge to be able to make the calls and cue the class while my lungs were on fire....but, I did it.  I was nervous and I wondered whether I might not choke and not be able to go the distance.  And when I took the first hill climb and reached out on the bike and gingerly extended my left arm waiting to feel some kind of post surgery pain.  But it was absolutely fine.  The body is an amazing machine.  And it felt so so good.  Thank you to the happy smiley Lennox faces........well, they were smiling until track 3???

I'm learning a lot about myself through this health crisis.  And I'm learning a lot about others.  I'm learning how different people respond to the subject of cancer and the fact that you've had it.  And of course it all makes sense that the only way people can talk to you about it is by calling on their own personal experiences coupled with their natural personality types.

This has meant that in the three short weeks of living in the cancer world, I have experienced an amazing array of responses.  Some people want to tell you about someone they know that has had it, died from it, survived from it, ran marathons after it, broken up relationships, changed their personalities, had awakenings, quit jobs, got cancer again.  Others want to tell you what to eat, what not to eat, when to sleep, not to work, walk not run, do everything youve always done, change all the things you've been doing.  And then there are those that just dont want to talk about it at all.

Most probably for me right at this point in time, there have been two categories of people I have found to be the most uplifting and inspiring to be surrounded by.  Firstly I have been so humbled and moved by the flood of support and incredibly beautiful messages received over the past 22 days - heartfelt personal messages and amazing gestures from good good friends, colleagues, family, clients, acquantances and in some instances, complete strangers.  Every message has helped bolster me in some way or another.  Thank you.  Please know how much your contact and gestures of solidarity and support has meant to me.

And secondly there have been the beautiful people who have opened up their own private worlds and shared their personal cancer experience with me.  The stories are both heart wrenching and agonisingly stressful experiences of shock, trauma, despair, fear and sadness.  But at the same time they are hopeful, uplifting, encouraging and truly optimistic.  It is a common thread that I have identified in each and every story - regardless of the cancer and regardless of the outcome.  I have at times almost felt like an intruder hearing such personal and intimate experiences lived by others.  But these people have been invaluable to me and for that I want to dedicate this blog to them.  You know who you are.  Some of you I have yet to physically connect with but our connection has already been established through messages and phone calls.  For others, I have hugged and laughed and cried already with you.  Your words of support, knowledgable words and symbolic tokens of strength I am grateful for. Thank you. The gifts, some borrowed and some passed on forever, have special places in my home and on my person at this time.  I will guard them carefully.

I have a beautiful, smart, gorgeously tall (grrr) friend Jen who contacted me recently and in cheeky fashion suggested I was being a 'copy cat' :)  We have a face to face catch up coming up.  Jen sent me a message very early on following diagnosis and reminded me that in fact this saying I had sent to her as she was heading into chemotherapy.  Now she was giving it back to me.  "You can't alter the direction of the wind, but you can adjust your sails....."   

Isn't life amazing that we can continue to learn new things about people and even more incredibly about yourself even at the ripe old age of 42?