One hour to go.......

Time.  How many times in my life have I lamented that I haven't got enough time?  Too much to do and not enough hours.  Time is rushing by - moving too fast.  I'd do that if I had time.  Where did the year go?  Do you think there will be enough time?
Today,  right now in fact, time has slowed.  It's painful.  Excruciating.  Feels like it's playing with me.  The day is moving in slow motion and it seems like when I look at my watch (again) it should be at least 15 minutes later than the last time I looked.  And it barely shows a difference.  How can that be?  Okay,  I wont look until I do 3 more 'things'.  And then I check my watch again.......seems like the last time I felt this way it was Christmas Eve and I was 5.  What happens to us and time inbetween? 

I'm waiting on the Umpire.  I'm waiting on a voice, a friendly lovely voice mind you, but the voice of my Oncologist to tell me they got it all. Captain Cancer has left the building and I'm slamming the door shut AND changing the locks. Means surgery is done - no more Club Med St George.  No more chop chop.  What I have left I get to keep.  I am willing that response so hard it is nearly breaking me.  The two most powerful warriors are patience and time.  Well let me tell you, this little warrior is growing restless and she's had enough of waiting.   It's time the Umpire made a decision in my favour.

I am also trying to be realistic without being fatalistic.  Now there's an interesting parity.  Be prepared for the worst but think for the best.  Dont set yourself up for disappointment but don't think negatively.  How the hell do you do that in these instances?    I'm not sure it's possible.  So what am I sure of?????
Well, I'm sure of the support I have around me.  That has shown itself in endless and consistent forms of love.  All gratefully received.

I am sure I can beat this. AND

I am sure that no matter what news I get, I will be able to suck it up, make the appropriate arrangements and get on with it.

Because even if I stumble and there is every chance I might, I have so many hands holding onto mine that the surest thing of all is I feel absolutely safe in the knowledge that I can't possibly fall...........thanks for being here. K x  ps. Will update this blog post phone call.  Hmmmm, that just knocked 5 minutes off the wait :-)

UPDATE - there is no update!  Appears the Oncologist had to race to meeting and couldn't call......so, time will continue to trickle slowly through the hourglass until first thing tomorrow morning.  This Umpire sure knows how to string out a game.