What a difference a week on the grindstone makes.....

Quick blog is a good blog they say so this quickee comes to you post teaching an RPM (spin) class in Byron Bay exactly 1 week after my last grumble bum post. Welcome to the roller coaster ride of energy and emotions that is chemotherapy.

This time last week I could barely lift my head off the oversized couch pillow to moan about how bad I felt, today Sunday, I am feeling energised and bubbly and full of beans. I have basically two more days of improved health and well being before I burst my own bubble and extend my arm out for my toxic Cosmopolitan. Boom. Back to clawing my way from the deep dark poisoned tunnel. However, this time the light at the top is shining that much brighter and the climb, which is now so very familiar, wont be easier (it's an accumulation that means the worst is saved for last) but it will be mastered with a sure foot and a steady hand knowing its my final climb. Like the old Capricorn Goat, i will put my head down and steadily climb to the top, not stopping until i can only feel sunshine on my back and now very bald head (or flooding rain as the case may be!). Either way I won't care. Because I will be done with chemo.

I feel so strong at the moment that i wish i could piggy back some of those beautiful people inside that Oncology Unit and take them with me. But for many, a final climb sadly is a way off. I've talked about taking a small bottle of champagne into the final chemo on Wednesday and celebrating with John and the staff, but I am conscious that my situation would only serve as a painful reminder to others that they aren't there yet. And that just wouldn't be right. So as much as I'd like to get out of that chair Wednesday and do a Toyota 'oh what a feeling' tuck jump in the air, hug everyone that dares to be within arms reach, cartwheel out and dance down the hospital corridor singing loudly, I will actually quietly thank my base 2 Oncology Team, wish my chemo colleagues all my best and do my celebrating in private. But you out there, my bloggy friends, my beautiful amazing supportive incredible team had better get ready for a major punch in the air, twirly hug and big fat sloppy kisses from me. Sooooooon!

I have already had preliminary contact with my third base coach Michael. He's a surfer dude from Melbourne that 'commutes' to Lismore during week days and is based in Lennox Head. Talk about an arrangement that provides the best of both worlds. Coastal gorgeousness week days and bright lights big city weekends. An arrangement he grinned when indicating works well for he and his family. I really like him, he's kind of casual in appearance but when you dig into credentials, clearly knows his stuff. We have more appointments and discussion (official term "planning") to do which includes scanning and a tattooing process! Tadaaaa my first tatt ! And I always thought it would be on my hip and be something mysterious and sexy. Oh well ;-)

The weather continues to work well with my lethargy and crappy symptoms - flooding rain and winds that pretty much discount any chance for outdoor activities unless you are into 'tough mudder' which is apparently some new boot camp craze where Exec types sign up to be yelled at and made crawl through mud tunnels and climb slippery ropes army style all for a sizeable fee. And yes, I did google to see where the closest one was cause it kinda looks like fun :-) You get an "I am a tough mudder" free t shirt by the way if u sign up. Just saying.

My gorgeous colleague Silvana whom I will hug so tightly I'm going to make her squeal when I see her next, left me a quote in my last blog which Ive hung on to all week. She said 'Life is like a Grindstone - whether it grinds you down or polishes you depends on the material you are made of'. I love it and it spoke deeply to me this past week as I struggled through some of the harder symptoms of this treatment so far. I needed to look deep deep inside myself to remember the person i was or am capable of being. Every now and then i recognise Kym, the old Kym. Just this week in the throws of flooding rain and a little house in Wooloweyah near Yamba, i cranked a favourite song on and danced in the rain with these big fat droplets falling on my bald head. It felt amazing and i thought to myself 'how fortunate am i to experience this as a woman?!' - I was all alone (well Murphy thought it was a dumb idea) and I sang at the top of my lungs barefoot and bald....

Like a gift from the heavens, it was easy to tell
It was love from above that could save me from hell
She had fire in her soul it was easy to see
How the devil himself could be pulled out of me
There were drums in the air as she started to dance
Every soul in the room keeping time with their hands.....

I can confirm that no matter how tough its been i never lose sight of the fact I have every intention to emerge sparkley Kym at the end of this journey - with the hardest game of my life behind me and a whole lot of amazing life yet to experience. My grindstones working overtime right now cause I'm chipped, broken and a little cloudy but I'm also made of tough stuff that I have faith will polish up ever so well.......heading to third base, enter Sparkely Kym. X