Shoulder to Shoulder.......

There is a Kenyan proverb that says......sticks in a bundle, side by side, cannot be broken.

This blog comes to you from my gorgeous new teak daybed. It's yum. I am giving it a solid workout too! From here I get dappled sunlight and I can hear the birds and the occassional splash of a backyard pool. It's divine and the weather is simply stunning. I am so grateful for this new acquisition. It means I can give in to the chemo lethargy without feeling like I'm missing out on summer. It's not my usual summer time where I'd be out and about for hours on end coated in salt water and zinc and exhausted from the gym, surf, beach time and afternoon bob about in the lake with the gals. But I'm pleased to report I am actually still achieving a variation of the above when I can. The environment I am so fortunate to live in is healing just by being. I smiled yesterday when I noticed the Frangipani cutting my mum gave me a week ago that was essentially stuck in the front yard, is already flowering and the flowers are 'tropical fruit' in colour. As I've said, simply stunning.

So following on from last blog my heart stood up to the test and scored me a happy go ahead for chemo number two, version two. Life has an amazing way of turning what can momentarily feel like deep disappointment into a complete winner! I seem to be the recipient of such good fortune often I am pleased to report- always been kind of lucky. You see despite having to abort the original chemo and essentially embark on a new regime - which at the time was a double drat moment for a whole host of obvious reasons, it has absolutely turned out to have a number of benefits!

Here's just a few.....

1. Boycey (Boyce Boyce we give Joice) has decided I can cope with what is called 'dose dense' chemo - which basically means I have chemo every 2 weeks now and not every 3 weeks - yep less time for recovery but hey, who needs to recover??!! Let's get this game over and done with. It was getting boring. Now I'm running......hard. And I can hear the energy in the stadium heating up. Geez I love a good victory.
2. My new regime seems right to me - no allergy and no delay. It was in fact the original game plan and I'm completely comfortable with the change, the tactics and the plays. Second base in sight. And closer.
3. My old chemo required me to wear these hideous ice gloves for about an hour so as to try and reduce the chances of my fingernails falling out. This chemo does not. Nothing more to say here other than have you ever tried to make a decent scrabble move with ice gloves on???? Talk about a handicap.
4. The new chemo is cranberry juice pink and in this big syringe that has to be given by the nursing staff at slow pace pushed into your vein. I lovingly refer to it as my Cosmopolitan. It means I get to talk one on one with the gorgeous staff whom are normally moving at a speedy pace and this time I spent time chatting to Kylie. She's beautiful and has a best friend that works in the US consulate in Washington DC. She wants to go visit but has kids and responsibilities and is one of those mums I can tell that places her own needs always behind those she loves. I am sure it is why she is perfect as the chick on the other end of the syringe for me and I want to hug her every time I see her. She's just doing her job. She's also saving my life. I hope I get her next time so I can mount my convincing and encouraging discussion to at least consider an overseas plan sometime into her future. I am sure she would fall in love with Washington.
5. With the reduced recovery time and only two more chemo's to go - I seriously am at half way point and my finish date is sooner. Yeeeeeeee Bloody haaaaaaaaa. Number 5 is my all time fave.

So here I am 2 days post the chemo and I'm feeling just fine. I have to confess the first 24 hours were tough. Seems this one hits hard right off the bat and I've been dodging the ball ever since. But I'm still running. I am constantly reminded of the amazing support crew around me and as I type this I've had invites by Bert to hit the lake, Janine to cook a birthday dinner (coming up), Kez yesterday for beach time, Linda for ice cream and a walk, Gaye checking up on how I'm feeling, Bono for moral support, Jo's gorgeous text etc etc. My A team are a constant including Dr Maclean who administers drugs by text (is that unethical?) and the Woodies who are ensuring we all stick to New Year agreements despite the high end no fun factor. Just as I sit here I've had an ongoing text battle with Commander Love who has appointed herself (I don't recall an official ceremony?) GI Kym Recruit Training Commander and is not happy that I confessed to drinking a Red Bull while blogging. I mean, sometimes you need wings!!! Talk about bossy by distance! However despite the bossy boots nature of these exchanges, the under riding theme is clearly love, support and care. And it just keeps coming and coming and coming. How lucky am I?

This day bed and some down time has again led to lots of reflection and contemplation. I know I have mentioned special people along the way and I am today thinking about my little brother 'Biz'. Biz and I have a strong connection and have done for some time. You see, he and i have clung together through some thick and some thin. We both get each other and there is undying support that flows in both directions. You would need to know my little brother to understand how incredibly special he is. He has an open raw honesty that means you see all the way into his big heart and mind. He has a generosity of spirit that means if he was down to his last buck and it was his shout, he'd go sell his car to ensure he met his end of the deal. And if he's had a few drinks, he's likely to shout the whole bar.
Biz tells it how it is and what you see standing in front of you is exactly what you get. I love that aspect of Biz. It can also mean if you happen to be having a bad hair day, he's likely to point that out too. But then he will hug you and laugh with you and agree that his hair looks pretty ordinary too and hey, these days, who needs hair??? Bald is the new black for 2012! He is sensitive and sweet and when he witnessed my second head shave he was emotional and upset - just for me. Because I know he loves me lots.

Biz and I have a pact that we have maintained pretty much since my diagnosis. You see Biz is also fighting a battle related to his health that is no less easy than mine. We both have our demons to conquer. We have agreed to talk daily and daily we do. In fact, sometimes several times a day even if it's from isle 6 of Randwick woollies where he's stumbled across these great balsamic vinegar coated nuts and I should try them. But mostly it is a sincere and thoughtful check up call where I ask how he is managing and coping and he checks out how I am travelling and tells me how 'crap' this is that I got cancer. At times he has cried as he's said that to me. I love Biz loads. So at the beginning of this journey we agreed shoulder to shoulder we would support each other and that's what I intend to do. He is on a fitness regime currently that he is hugely committed to. On New Years Eve I asked if he had a goal for 2012 and he said yes. He wants to run a marathon. This week, during my second chemo hit, I decided that if he is willing to push a personal boundary and train for a goal like that, then so would I. So I called him up two days ago and said I would run a marathon this year with him. There. It's out there on the web and I can't retract. I am nervous about my capacity to actually pull it off. Forget the cancer and the treatment, i just hate running! But i feel like this is a year of evolution for me snd so run i will. Biz and I will run a marathon this year in recognition of the slamming of our demons and the overcoming of personal set back that has no hold over us anymore. So, who else is in????

In recognition of our commitment together I dedicate this blog to you my beautiful brother. Shoulder to shoulder. If my cancer creates the impetus for positive change in your life, a life I know you have so much yet to live, then I really will wear my scars with the greatest of pride. Sticks in a bundle, shoulder to shoulder, cannot be broken. K xxx