Hair today.........gone tomorrow (or maybe in a few weeks?)

So this blog post is coming from the hairdressers! It's a rainy cold day in Lennox and today is the first of my new cuts. Not too radical yet - a sharp angular Posh Spice to kick it off. My spunky little hairdresser is a surfy dude with a gorgeous hairdressing partner and the two of them have joined forces to 'create' my look. We've laughed and hugged and talked scalps and styles and whether hair is important to feel feminine and beautiful. Funnily enough there appears to be mutual agreement in this hair salon right now that hair is not important. Oh, the irony.....but arent people sweet and supportive.

I haven't blogged for a few days. Not since I met with Boycey and we agreed on a plan. And that plan is about to launch into action. Tomorrow. Less than 24 hours in fact and yes, I am counting. So what have I been doing? As promised in last blog I have enjoyed the lovely company of many, I have worked in the office and jumped around in gym gear, I have enjoyed meals out and noticed the small things like the way Murph has a squishy face when she first wakes up and closes her eyes in a smiley sign of delight when you first walk in the door. Or sometimes she just doesn't wake up until you gently lay your hand on her snoozing head.

But behind all this activity I have been quietly counting. Calculating how much time I have left before chemo. I've tried not to focus on it, pushing it away from my mind but largely I have been unsuccessful and the thoughts creep back in and take their unwelcomed place at the forefront of my thoughts. Will I get sick? Will I loose my eyelashes? Will I have such sensitivity to the sun that I need to take a giant leave card on the summer of 2012? Well, I think about it and then a little voice in my head says 'Not me, not going to be my experience, not part of my plan'. Am I kidding myself? I hope not. But there is no real way of knowing. It's probably one of the hardest aspects of cancer for me. I hate that I don't know. I can't predict. I can't plan. I just have to wait and jump with both feet into the experience. And that's exactly where I am today. Crouched and ready to jump.

I commented to my hairdresser that I feel bald and we both laughed hard. Harden up Kymmy - you ain't seen nothin yet.

My chemo coach is on her way up to me. Quality control she says. I suspect she really wants a few days with Murphy and to boss me around. I feel safe and Murphy is excited. I have also been inundated with calls and texts and messages today. I'm sorry if I haven't responded to you. I promise I will. And for my beautiful gifts and trinkets I am so very grateful.

I know second base is a long and hard run. But in the words of another cancer survivor, pain is temporary but quitting lasts forever. And this player has only success on her mind. Tomorrow is a big day. Bring it on!

Lots of love and big big hugs....K xxx