Christmas wrap up....

It's the day after Boxing Day - the 'extra' holiday day that we all got this year because Santa came on a Sunday. How incredibly generous and kind of him. It's been a good day for me to whizz around packing up what little Christmassy decorations I had in the house, the cards, the tinsel and the gorgeous pink wishing tree I was given by Bert and Mattaya. It was a tree that had been artistically designed by my beautiful friend Bert for a Zumba dance party with a cancer fundraising theme. I actually understand that she located the tree base streets away from her house and physically dragged it in the summer heat, acknowledging the occasional tooting car, back to the Grizwald residence in order to paint and decorate it as girly and pink 'breast cancery' as possible. And today I dismantled the tree, lovingly removing and reading each of the little wishing notes hand written by Zumba gals wanting to make a wish in the name of cancer. At one stage I turned a card over in my hand and it read 'I am dancing for you with so much love in my heart sista' and it made me cry. I have no idea who wrote it but the sentiment swelled my heart. There are so many incredibly beautiful amazing women surrounding me right now. I feel overwhelmed at times.

I've had a lovely few days despite the creeping hair line. I've been grateful for the return of my taste buds and general well being to be able to indulge in catch ups and farewells and Christmas lunches, nibbles and drinks. Additionally I had the enormous pleasure of being pushed out of my comfort zone and sent flying through the air with what in fact turned out to NOT be the greatest of ease (I now think my arms are too damn short or something???) while attempting to release and catch a trapeze artist! Did you just furrow your brow while reading this? What the? Yes, it sounds bizarre but I have managed to fit in a circus school during my first cycle of chemo :-) Along with the gorgeous but far too ripped abs for her own good Cate (and her alter-ego Antoinette) we teamed up with a bunch of Byron gym bunnies and celebrated Christmas Eve by climbing a flexible ladder and launching off the top platform of a trapeze, swinging upside down and eventually, catching a swinging bald circus dude who goes by the un-circus name of 'Steve' but should definitely have a name like Vincenco or Bruno or something! Despite there being a surge of adrenalin to the point of quivering legs, it actually turned out to be this amazing and super fun experience and one that I didn't want to end. Just one more turn please Mister???? But in fact 6 goes appeared to be more than enough given my aching pecs and sore traps (is that why they are called trapezius???) lol. Makes so much more sense now. One of the incredible outcomes from Circus School was the opportunity to take myself back to my gymnastic days (just for a short time) and surround myself in crash pads and balance beams and trampolines and like minded people that like to push themselves to achieve daring things. In the context of my cancer and the 'cautiousness of rest and sterile environments' it was so much fun to find myself covered in chalk dust being encouraged to push a physical boundary. And to hear the cheer of the line up of girls watching from below when you actually achieve whatever trick it is you are attempting filled my heart with joy. Special thanks to my trapeze partner in crime who encouraged me from the floor and laughed with me when we wondered about shock factor should 'Steve' try and catch me by my hair! Lol. I love that we can joke about such things. My abs salute you :-)

Yesterday I had to shave my head. The hair loss was just getting to be too significant and I had started feeling like a female version of Norman Gunston with the sweep over. I was so grateful to make Christmas with my hair but Boxing Day seemed like the right time to take it to the next level. So my beautiful friend Lyn (aka Hair by Lynnnnnnnn) whipped out the clippers and on the back deck of the house, my head and my heart faced up to a number 4 shave. I did not sit in front of a mirror but I did go put lip gloss and a dress on???? Don't ask me why, it just seemed like the right thing to do. Lyn is a calm woman with a 'can do' attitude and so with little fuss and fanfare and the occasional, 'you alright Kymmy?' turned me into KD Lang's less talented sister. Done. Tick. Haircut number 3 in the transition to bald. I'm now shooting for a number 2 head shave Demi Moore GI Jane style before it all goes. Stand to attention if you see me in Army greens and boots.

The stripping away of something as significant as hair for a woman is both confronting and liberating all at once. Whilst it affords the opportunity to accentuate other parts of your face (and boy i sure am giving the mascara a good hard go) there is an overriding vulnerability that is hard to overcome no matter how much positive energy you throw at it. I think in time I will reflect and be grateful I had the opportunity to experience this change but right now as I am morphing, it's not been the easiest of challenges. Still, challenge is what life is about and I feel qualified to step up to the plate (yes I am still on the dash to second base......it's a damn big diamond!) and I am not in the slightest bit tired yet. Step aside second baseman cause I'm sliding in soon.